Hey everyone, it’s Dii Pooler here! Welcome back to the stress management series. Today, I’m tackling a topic that’s both controversial and deeply personal: venting.
We’ve all been there. You’ve had a terrible day, you’re frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed, and you just need to get it off your chest. So you call a friend, launch into everything that’s wrong, and afterward…well, sometimes you feel better. Sometimes you feel worse. And sometimes you’re not sure what you feel.
Here’s what I want to talk about today: Does venting actually help? What does the science say? And why, despite the complicated research, do I volunteer my time regularly to sit and listen to people vent?
Let me tell you something that might surprise you: the answers aren’t as straightforward as you’d think.
The Big Question: Does Venting Help?
The short answer? It depends.
The longer answer is way more interesting, and it challenges a lot of what we’ve been told about “letting it all out.”
The Old Theory: Catharsis
For decades, the dominant belief was based on something called “catharsis theory.” The idea was simple: emotions are like pressure building up in a container. If you don’t release them, they’ll explode. So venting, like opening a steam valve, lets that pressure out and makes you feel better.
Researchers analyzing over 154 studies involving more than 10,000 participants found little evidence that venting helps reduce anger. In fact, in some cases, it actually increased anger.
“I think it’s really important to bust the myth that if you’re angry you should blow off steam,” said Brad Bushman, a professor of communication at Ohio State University who led the research. “Venting anger might sound like a good idea, but there’s not a shred of scientific evidence to support catharsis theory.”
Wait, what? No evidence? But it feels so good to vent!
Here’s the thing: feeling good in the moment doesn’t mean it’s actually helping long-term.
When Venting Makes Things Worse
Research shows that simply talking about your negative emotions without attempting to do anything about them actually makes people feel worse. The relief is only temporary, and the painful feelings return later, often stronger.
Even more concerning, students who vented their anxiety after tragic events like 9/11 suffered from more anxiety up to four months later than those who didn’t. Their focus on and venting of emotions was uniquely predictive of longer-term anxiety.
Why? When we vent, our bodies relive the experience, which strengthens the neural pathways for the emotion the experience evoked. We’re essentially rehearsing and reinforcing our negative feelings.
Think about it like this: if you’re angry and you spend 20 minutes venting about how angry you are, you’ve just spent 20 minutes practicing being angry. You’ve strengthened those anger pathways in your brain.
So Venting Is Bad? Not Exactly.
Here’s where it gets nuanced. Research shows that venting can be adaptive or maladaptive depending on several factors:
- Who you’re venting to
- How they respond
- How often you do it
- What you do with the conversation
Venting is a two-way process: the person venting and the person hearing the vent. Positive venting can reduce stress, but negative venting can lead to heightened stress and physical health concerns.
The difference often comes down to the listener’s response.
The Pros of Venting (When Done Right)
Despite the complicated research, venting isn’t all bad. In fact, it can be genuinely helpful under the right circumstances.
Connection and Validation
“We want to connect with other people who can help validate what we’re going through,” says researcher Ethan Kross, “and venting really does a pretty good job at fulfilling that need. It feels good to know there’s someone there to rely on who cares enough to take time to listen.”
This is real and important. Having a strong social support network has been linked to better psychological health. Venting to people in that network is one way to reduce the impact of daily stressors.
Clarity and Insight
Sometimes, just verbalizing what’s bothering you to another person helps clarify the situation and name the emotions involved. You might not even know exactly what you’re feeling until you try to explain it to someone else.
It Can Strengthen Bonds
Interestingly, research from UCLA found that venting can make the friend you’re talking to like and support you more, but only when done in specific ways. When people don’t perceive aggressive intent and the venting doesn’t devolve into bashing others, it can actually strengthen the relationship.
When You Have Low Support
Here’s a surprising finding: research with international students found that venting was helpful for those with low levels of perceived emotional support. For people who had fewer people to turn to, venting was an effective way to reduce anxiety, depression, and other psychological symptoms.
The Cons of Venting (The Science You Need to Know)
But for every benefit, there’s a potential downside when venting isn’t done thoughtfully.
It Can Amplify Emotions
Activities that increased physiological arousal overall had no effect on anger reduction, and some activities made it worse. Jogging was actually the most likely to increase anger. The same principle applies to venting: if you’re just ramping yourself up, you’re not reducing the emotion.
It Can Become Rumination
This is something people often forget: venting affects the person listening too. When we persistently vent to someone as a way to cope, it can negatively affect their emotional state. After a while, they may find it hard to respond with the same level of warmth and empathy, which can strain the relationship.
If you vent over and over again, the listener might not want to be present anymore, and this can fray a social connection.
It Doesn’t Address the Problem
Venting might help you feel temporarily better, but it doesn’t solve what’s causing the stress. If you vent about your horrible boss every day but never take steps to set boundaries or look for a new job, you’re just practicing feeling bad about your boss.
The Paradox of High Support
Here’s a weird one: research found that for people with very high levels of perceived support, venting was actually associated with increased symptoms over time. In the presence of moderate to high emotional support, venting had no significant consequences. But with very high support, it backfired.
Why? Researchers theorize that when you have abundant support, relying heavily on venting might prevent you from developing other coping strategies or taking action to solve your problems.
How to Vent in a Healthy Way
So if venting can be both helpful and harmful, how do you do it right? Based on the research and my own experience as a listener, here are the guidelines:
1. Combine Venting with Problem-Solving
Research reveals that venting is more effective when the person you’re talking to challenges you and gives you constructive feedback. If the person isn’t challenging you back, you likely won’t get the most out of the conversation.
Don’t just dump your emotions. After you’ve expressed how you feel, shift to: “What can I do about this?” or “What would help me feel better?”
2. Choose Your Listener Wisely
Not everyone is equipped to hold space for venting. Some people will amplify your emotions, pulling you deeper into negativity. Others will rush to fix your problems before you’ve processed your feelings.
Choose someone who can listen without judgment and won’t feel overwhelmed. A therapist, for example, is trained to help you process feelings without turning to rumination.
3. Ask for Permission
This seems simple but is often forgotten: “Hey, I’m really struggling right now. Do you have the emotional bandwidth to listen to me vent for a bit?”
Checking in ensures you’re not emotionally dumping on someone who doesn’t have capacity, which protects both of you.
4. Reciprocate
Reciprocity is key. Make sure that you’re giving and getting when it comes to venting. If you’re always the one venting and never listening, you’ll damage the relationship.
5. Set a Time Limit
Give yourself a boundary. “I’m going to vent for 10 minutes, and then I’m going to brainstorm solutions.” This prevents the endless spiral.
6. Use Activities That Decrease Arousal
Instead of or in addition to venting, engage in calming activities like deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga. These activities actually reduce anger by lowering physiological arousal.
7. Consider Writing
Studies have found numerous health benefits to expressive writing, including healing from trauma, lower blood pressure, better immune function, improved sleep, and reduced depression. Writing might give you the release without the social complications.
Why I Volunteer to Listen
So, given all of this research showing that venting can be complicated and even harmful, why do I spend hours each week listening to people vent?
Because I’ve learned that the quality of listening matters more than almost anything else.
Research has shown that the difference between positive and negative venting can be focused on how the person hearing the vent responds, both through speech and action.
When someone vents to me, I’m not just passively absorbing their emotions. I’m practicing what’s called empathic listening. Here’s what that means:
I Listen to Understand, Not to Fix
Most people don’t actually want advice when they’re venting (at least not at first). They want to feel heard. When people vent, they may not need a verbal response. They want someone to listen.
I Use Active Listening
Active listening is defined as behavior that communicates interest and understanding using verbal and nonverbal messages. I’m fully present. I’m not thinking about what I’ll say next or checking my phone. I’m genuinely focused on what they’re sharing.
I Practice Empathy, Not Sympathy
Empathy means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. I’m not trying to slap a silver lining on their situation or say “it could be worse.” I’m connecting with where they are emotionally, validating their experience.
I Create a Safe Space
People need to feel safe to express difficult emotions. That means no judgment, no interruptions, and no making it about me.
I Gently Guide Toward Insight
After someone has been fully heard, I might ask gentle questions that help them gain perspective: “What do you think would help?” or “What’s one small thing you could control in this situation?” I’m not pushing solutions; I’m helping them find their own.
It Fulfills Something in Me
Here’s the honest truth: listening to others vent fulfills a deep need in me to connect with human experiences and to be of service. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronize when they truly listen to one another, a process called “brain-to-brain coupling.” When I listen empathically, I’m not just helping them; I’m experiencing our shared humanity.
And that feels meaningful.
The Bottom Line
So does venting help? The science says: sometimes, under the right conditions, with the right listener, when combined with problem-solving and not done excessively.
That’s not a satisfying sound bite, but it’s the truth.
“By and large, we do need to get our negative emotions out,” says Rachel Millstein, a staff psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital. “The ways we do it, though, that’s where it’s healthy or unhealthy, productive or unproductive.”
Venting isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s a tool. And like any tool, it can be used skillfully or unskillfully.
If you’re someone who vents:
- Be mindful of how often and to whom
- Ask for permission first
- Combine emotional expression with problem-solving
- Be willing to reciprocate
- Consider whether venting is helping or just rehearsing pain
If you’re someone who listens to venting:
- Set boundaries to protect your own emotional energy
- Practice empathic listening without trying to fix everything
- Gently guide toward solutions when the time is right
- Know that your listening is valuable and meaningful
As for me? I’ll keep volunteering to listen. Because even though the science on venting is complicated, the science on feeling heard is clear: it matters. Being truly listened to calms us, helps us feel less alone, and connects us to our shared humanity.
And in a world that often feels isolating and overwhelming, that connection is everything.
How do you feel about venting? Does it help you, or do you find it makes things worse? Have you ever been on the listening end? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below.
